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Guide to Safe Dating
Comparing to real world dating, online dating is sometimes seen as less safe.
Nothing can be further from the truth!
The opinion persists probably due to the fact that in real life we usually meet people that were introduced to us by someone we know, and can trust, or in a transparent situation, such as at work or study.
But the fact that no one introduces you to your online dates does not mean online dating is unsafe, quite the opposite!
In fact, meeting somebody online is much safer than meeting somebody in a local bar; you cannot get hurt by sitting in front of your computer.
All you need is to exercise some caution. You would not let a stranger into your home and your private life, without getting to know them first, would you? Don't do it online, either.
PLEASE NOTE: Match-Seeker does not screen its members.
All contacts entered through Match-Seeker are fully anonymous, and some people might NOT be what they say they are. There are not many people, who may try to mislead you, but they do exist, and you should protect yourself against such people. Please exercise caution and common sense when communicating with other members.
Be especially careful in communicating with members from other countries than your own. Some people might try to use your limited knowledge of those countries to their benefit. Be advised to never wire any finance on request of overseas members, whether to help in an emergency or travel arrangements. Regarding organizing meetings with overseas members, consult your immigration authorities first.
Never give your personally identifiable information to anyone you do not know well. Use our anonymous email system for the first contacts. Ask many questions and listen to their answers. Do they answer the questions you ask? Does their story seem credible? Don't they avoid certain questions, such as their marital situation, who they live with etc? Aren't they are too sweet and seem to agree with everything you say? If something seems too good to be true, it probably is!
Ask them for photos and send them yours. If they never ask for your photos, this is strange because everyone wants to know how somebody he is dating looks like! Don't send old photos or photos where you don't look like your real self: once you meet in real life, the picture should match the person behind it, or they will feel disappointed. But it does not mean you cannot send pictures that present you in the best way: send a photo of yourself with a happy smile; and it will be always a winning bet. If you do not have recent photos, ask a friend to take some pictures of you, and choose the best. A photo is worth thousands words!
When you feel comfortable with your communication, you can give them your personal email address. Register a separate email account for this purpose, and only use it for your personal correspondence. If something goes wrong in your correspondence, you can always close down this account and open a new one. Keep asking questions and discussing different things. If all your communication seems to be going one way, then they probably have their own agenda.
When you feel comfortable with the person you have been emailing to, give them your contact phone number, preferably your mobile. Do not give away your work number (or your work email address), ever! After all, you do not want somebody to email your boss or phone your office, in case the relationship does not work.
After you have emailed to each other, and talked on the phone a few times, it's time to meet face to face. If people are happy to communicate with you online but don't want to use phone or meet you in person, this might be due to the fact that they have misrepresented themselves. Real, honest people that seek love and partnership don't want never-ending virtual courtship; they want the real thing.
Only meet in a public place for the first date, and preferably, set up a time limit for the date. For example, you can say you only have half an hour before a business appointment; this will help if the date does not go as you hoped for. Meeting for a coffee in a café, is a safe bet. If you are a woman, never go to unknown places; instead, offer your own variant of a place for meeting, where service personnel knows you, at least visually. If a man is decent, he will honor your request.
Tell somebody that you have a date with a person you met online; it can be your mother or a sibling, the person, who will not judge you. If you don't feel like telling anybody, make notes who are you meeting and how you got to know them, and place where this information can be found.
Have your own transport to get home from the place of the meeting; better still, have a friend to fetch you. Never allow your date to take you home, even if something is wrong with your car. Phone a friend or call a taxi instead. Make sure you are not followed when leaving the place of the meeting - especially if nobody has shown up.
When you meet your date, don't jump into conclusions straight away. You might unintentionally create an image in your mind, which is different from the real person; this is not their fault; give them a chance. It is quite common to feel awkward at first; simply relax and be yourself. If it helps, remember that they are feeling exactly the same!
Smile! Nothing helps to break the ice better than friendliness and openness. Talk about something that you have shared in your last emails, so that they feel you are indeed the same person they have been talking to for a while.
But still, use caution. Have your mobile phone with you. Don't leave your glass unattended. If you had to leave the table, order a fresh drink instead.
Pay for yourself. If you decided to never meet this person again, do not tell them about it on the date. Tell about it in an email. If the person asks how the date was, tell them? Great! I will email you tonight?. It is not easy to face rejection, so make it as polite and nice, as you can.
If you enjoyed the first date, keep seeing each other for a while before moving further. Don't progress too fast; the more you get to know each other, the easier for you is to make up your mind. If the person shares with you a phone number, presents a business card etc, those are good signs: they trust you and want to continue the relationship. It's now up to you to decide, whether to accept their invitation or not.
Happy dating!
Match-Seeker.com
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